Rise and Shine! Sunday June 29th - Lacoste

Short nights and long days! 

It messes with my mind and I'm sure I'm sleeping more than ever before but over here the sun sets at 10:45ish and rises at 6AM.

This morning I stayed up for the sunrise so that I could sleep in cause Brunch wasn't until 11am.
Here are some images I took. Just realized that my Samsung Galaxy lets me take Panoramas! So I've been enjoying that with these wonderful landscapes.

I started shooting at 1am with the image directly to the left.
Then 20 minutes to sunrise I began shooting more but it was so cloudy due to the rain that the sun isn't clear. nevertheless the space is wonderful! Literally a breathe of fresh air. I wake up counting my blessings and with a smile on my face.

________________________________________________________________________________

Skyping my parents today was sweet. They aren't that tech savvy but my mom took the time to learn SKYPE. Sharing my surroundings with her and seeing my face I know is refreshing to her. My dad just kept repeating how awesome technology is and how nice this was. She's so proud of me its adorable to see her excitement. Something she said today that's resonating with me was this:

"That's why you got to be smart. Intelligent people get to enjoy things like this."

You work hard to play hard. And even though I'm taking two classes this is a vacation.
A wonderful summer in the South of France to create art, read, collect my thoughts, get closer to Gods creations and listen to my spirit. No distractions.

Hey There Deliah

Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's is a classic tune in my Zune mp3 player. When the song first came out my over sensitive ass saw it as more than a cute alternative hit. I thought it was the most romantic message via song yet! I fantasied about some mysterious man singing this to me as I traveled the world and accomplished all my dreams. This song in combination with movies like The Notebook convinced me that a man could love me much more than the distance I wanted to travel. It taught me that if he really loves me he'd find a way to not only make it work, but he'd find me so valuable that waiting to be with me would be an honor, a royal honor.

A silly ole daydream is what this became. College taught me otherwise and kinda made me cold. But even after seeing so much ugly I could never shake my love for love and my hopeless romantic aspirations. God loves me so much, and that alone compels me to share his love by loving someone else. 

Hey There Delilah Mr. Fleming

I'll save the sap back story because there isn't one. Just know that my silly day dreams as a girl came to fruition as the woman I am today. I didn't find someone. And they didn't find me. But that man I dreamt of may have just appeared in my life. With no intention of doing so I fell in love with a man named Phillip Fleming. When I think about it... and shit when I write about it I shake my head in disbelief. How it happened in such a short time, and how genuine and true it feels does not surprise me because I get it.

When you go through the most and when you spend that necessary alone time to learn who you are as an individual people come and go through your life cause you have a solid grip of who you are and what you want in a partner. 

Having no time for games and lies I was cold and kinda brutal. I had been single for over a year and got so complacent I was ready to live the next 5-10 years alone if need be. Keeping it 110% I went on a few dates with Phillip when I had time and talked for about a month before I decided him worthy of being my boyfriend. I wouldn't even let the poor guy kiss me during that entire time! And he didn't mind. Just being in my presence was sufficient for him. I never met someone who genuinely loved my every flaw and me for who I am. He recognized my worth and treated me as such never stopping to impress me. He made me happy by just being himself. But I think it's his dedication and determination to be apart of my life that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. He effortlessly completes me and  I'm enjoying this blessing that God has presented to me.

Even though our relationship is still very young I just have a feeling of comfort and confidence in it. 

I'm not worried about whats happening next because I learned my lesson the last time trying to take control. I've left this relationship in God's hands and I trust it in His Mighty care :) 

                                         

In the wonderful words of India Arie,

  "If he ever left me, I wouldn't even be sad, 

no Cause there's a blessing in every lesson 

And I'm glad that I knew him at all"

Even though I was single for over a year, I encountered a lot of men who may have been potentials. All of them walked away slowly or ran knowing that (1) I was not about games and (2) I wanted to travel the world as soon as God was ready for me to. Phillip didn't walk away. He thought my aspirations were cool.
I kinda told him like a warning label before we even made us official. But when I told him my plans to be gone for long periods of times in some random location he simply said, "I'll find you where ever you are." Even though its not easy and pretty lonely he geared up and enlisted himself into a life of an internet relationship. I see his wonderful smile on a daily via Skype or Google Hangout or SnapChat. I hear him through my music, through my recipes he's inhaled, and I smell his sweater on the harder days.
Our relationship is an effortless blessing that supports my every move.



Till next time love...

Later.

Mind of Jonas: Relationships vs. Dating

My Jonas is My Graphic Designer.
My graphic designer's name is Jonas.
We are both very career driven and helps in many aspects of my life beyond my graphic and web design needs.

Anyway Jonas comes up in my blog today because of the conversation we had today.
The information was so vital I felt it should be shared.

There is a huge difference between DATING and Being in a RELATIONSHIP.
This difference I didn't see until later in my young years (cough cough now lol)
 Our definition of "dating" is as follows:
DATING - exclusively learning about one person of interest in hopes of it growing into a committed relationship.

According to the mind of Jonas, when you meet someone a vital decision is made, do I want to be friends with this person or do I want a relationship with them.
If you pursue someone with romantic intentions, your "dating" period is in hopes of a meaningful relationship. If things don't work out essentially that person is usually pushed to the side, they disappear.
If you pursue a regular friendship with someone, they could do something u don't care for but it doesn't matter cause they are just a friend so you gonna let them do them and not let it bother you. Only exception is if you become best friends with someone and it grows into something intimate.

Why am I sharing this information...idk. It's not as random as it seems, but I'm not in a position to share where I'm at right now in relation to all the information I just shared.

I will share this quote that his influenced me this week from a book I'm reading called "The Shack"

"I suppose that since most our hurts come from through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."

 

Jonas and I agree that too often, women especially, become single and get in this zone and mindset of super independence, forget men, I'ma do me, I don't need no man attitude. And that's nice for a moment, but when you've grown in a relationship and when you've experienced something beautiful you can't deny the idea of love and the beauty of being committed to another person, having a companion, someone to care for and share affection with. It's a wonderful thing.

 

I'm a relationship orientated person. I can't hoe around and text tons of men ... its just not me, out of my character. I also DON'T fall quickly, but I do go where my spirit leads me. If I'm happy I'm gonna continue the path and see where it takes me proceeding with caution.

The point ladies and gentlemen is to do what makes you happy!

Genuinely happy!

Ignore physical pleasure and think does this person I'm interested make me happy?

When they are around do I feel better or do I want them gone?

When we talk do I enjoy conversation or do I want them to shut up?

Those are the things that should make you happy first (in my opinion) then the other things just fall into place. It's the little things that matter cause they are the beginning and the end of it all.

I'm big on being genuinely happy, and if I'm not I won't waste my time or yours.

Everyone deserves that much, to be honestly and purely happy.

And praying about it doesn't hurt either. (gotta stay connected with the man upstairs)

Ask, and God will provide people in your life who will uplift you.

No one enters your life by accident or for no reason at all.



Support & Reflection

I rushed over to my friend's side today cause she needed some support and uplifting.
Dora and I are so much a like, she needed some support and I was there right away.

Proud to be able to be there for her, we laughed, we prayed, and then we soaked away our doubts, concerns, and troubles in the pool. Savannah was 96 degrees today. and left the pool warm, well into the night. We took an evening dip and eventually ended up swimming all over the place. Talking and making jokes uplifting each other and relating.









When we came in she began telling me stories of her first precious moments with her and her man Kenny who she believes to be her future husband. Hearing her stories were funny but made me drop a tear or two on multiple occasions.
I reflected myself and boy was it such a heartache. It was a clear example as to why I need to be single. Nothing was perfect but the love....smh. I don't know how anyone could enjoy the company of someone else without remembering precious moments that occurred.

Egyptian Hold Yuh brings me back to an isolated street where I danced beneath the street light.
Under the moonlight on the beach after prom junior year.
The Passion
The way you cared for me when I was sick at Sunfest
The way we researched EVERYTHING lol
Smooth car rides in the slider, I used to love to watch you drive.
Lord knows I can't forget the night of Keewee's birthday party right before you took me home, The way the moonlight from the window silhouetted your body right before you introduced yourself to new terrain.
Oh the sweet sweet passion
The way you lead on the dance floor like a proper dance partner
The first time we danced kompa at Military Ball and was showered by love from our peers.
Those darn park rangers...
The video we made trying to educate other couples
The caution we took with our feelings: Like, Appreciate, Pear anie, Love you.
Embraces were never simple
Hours and hours of conversation
Hours and hours of just listening to each other breathe
Creating moments and techniques to call or firsts and lasts or never agains...

I could write a book.
Sometimes I want to.
But the memories I hold onto won't be released in a book
They will only be shared by every reader
Every reader would read the story and never predict its downfall
Every reader would read about a love for big screen
something real full or disagreements and arguments
that made us individuals who had an opinion
Two individuals attempting to live life as one.
Never people pleasers
If I wrote a book our story would never Die
It would only be relived and influence the lives of EVEN more people.

I always complained about my feelings.
I always said God blessed me with a love so beautiful and genuine, but where do I put these feelings?
I put them in my heart
I put them in my art
I put them toward my faith
I put them toward my praise
I teach with that love
I lift up others with that love
I relate with that love
I learned from that love.
It taught me what I'm capable of deserving and that only taught me I will NEVER compromise.
Its not about me comparing, or making someone else live up to that love.
That love can't be duplicated
But it did tell me what I deserve, showed me that I can be loved to purely and genuinely
And I want nothing less in my life, from here on ward.

I knew this process would be long for me.....

Memoirs of Anie

Little Yellow Bird II

I was reading an old blog post "Little Yellow Bird" and I felt the need to make a part two.

___________________________________________________________________________

Until my little yellow bird comes to sing to me again
I'm gonna sit tight.
Keep doing what I know to be morally right
Continue my baby steps toward independence
Just in case my little yellow bird stops in flight
Just in case my little yellow bird gives up it's song
Perhaps he'll sing a new one to a new found love
I'll prepare myself for the scenario
As long as my little yellow bird sings a happy song
I'll make myself be in good courage
In support of my little yellow bird that once was mine.

Dear Blog its Summertime

Today is June 3rd, 2013 and I am not home.
I am enjoying my summer doing nothing and currently on the couch of my friend's house apartment in Sav.

In my mind my summer began last weekend with my wonderful weekend working with Shannon. That week was the start of my last week of school and it was empowering and beautiful but haven't had time to write about especially since I've told the story of that weekend so many times. I have to sit and kinda get into the mindset of that weekend. And I can't wait to do so cause it was truly beautiful :)

Today is Monday. and my summer began Friday. I worked all day Friday and the end of Saturday for SCAD 2013 Commencement. SCAD puts on a beautiful graduation and I hope the graduation in the fall is just as nice. Working that graduation got me hype and so pumped for my last year at SCAD. It also inspired me to walk not only as a SCAD graduate but a graduate of another school... Yes my friends, talk about grad school has come up again. And I'm praying and watching to see what the verdict will be but I'll be looking into all my options later this year. When I walked in my high school graduation I surely and proudly dropped a tear. Yes my parents were proud but I even more so. It was a super accomplishment and I worked really really hard through the IB program for years!
Finishing my undergrad degree in only 3 years is a greater reality now and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I will be one of thousands sitting before the stage in the civic center ready shake hands and receive my honors. Working graduation I learned about the different color tassels you get by academic school and the designation for graduating with honors which I put below:

Summa Cum Laude - equal to or greater than 3.90

Magna Cum Laude - equal to or greater than 3.70 and less than 3.90

Cum Laude - equal to or greater than 3.50 and less than 3.70  I'm aiming for Magna Cum Laude AT LEAST!! I can't wait to see what's next for me. I know I'll be successful anywhere and I'm excited to see what opportunities God brings my way! The decision will be based on my happiness, its all about me graduating SCAD and making art cause that is what will make me happy.

But now today is Monday and I am a free bird.
Planing things to do or laying in bed cause I can.
Going on roadtrips or watching a movie on the couch.
I am doing what I want to do.
This time in Savannah is my real vacation because when I get back to Florida things will get real.
I'll be back on my school tip and working a job as well.
And next thing you know it will be September and I'm a senior starting Fall quarter at SCAD!
soooooo I am soaking up the fun and sun and FREEDOM in Sav.


Last night I tried Insanity for the first time with my friend Cetina. Armstrong University offers it free at night everyday this summer! I can't do it every night but I intend to do as much as I can. I have never sweat as much as I did that night. I was dripping sweat into my eye and probably could have peed myself lol. Shirt soaked. Heart pumping mad crazy! And the jumping bits get me a little dizzy. But honestly Insanity is do able. There are ample amounts of breaks and lots of room for progress. From the first time I saw Shaun T. on the doctors talking about his workout plan I knew he was legit because his workout plans make healthy sense. Its all about keeping your form and pushing your muscles to the max with 30sec breaks max. You really can do it. You just have to tell your body you can do it. I'm excited to continue his workouts. Plus its entertaining. More fun then working out by myself with the previous workout challenge I tried out. Stephanie's getting this body BEYOND on point ;)

It feels nice to take care of me.
No room for negativity.
No worries hehe
I don't mind waiting on the Lord!
I don't mind waiting on the LORD!!

I hate text messaging...

[Sometimes I can really hate text messaging.]
Texting is useful in sensitive situations, when you want or need to say something really quick
Its nonverbal communication yet we find ways to determine tonality in the voice and emotion through an individuals diction.
Other than texting in class or at work what other good has it done communication?
Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for text messaging, its so useful, and I do it everyday.
But I do it because most people just don't know what to do when they pick up a phone or they don't even have the time of day to do so. And God forbid they write a letter or actually communicate in person.

[Sometimes I can really hate text messaging]
I feel that texting should supplement your conversation.
Now a days when you meet someone, exchange numbers, the expectations is to text them.
The communication has begun, you can text the individual every once in a while to everyday. You can send them a message when they are on your mind and you wish to hear from them.
But at what point do you decide that texting is not enough?
I think you have to desire to communicate with that person in another way, you've got to want to hear what they think, believe, and do. And if time and distance is a problem then you FaceTime? Skype? if you can't call and talk.
People make time for who and what they WANT to make time for...

What will do that for you? Who knows...but I miss the sensitivty in communication.
As the person discovers a desire to communicate more methods open up because they'll simply take what they can get even if it's hearing you breathe as you sleep.
If you've been where I've been you know what I mean...Don't let people look at you like you're crazy or that sounds dumb because they haven't had communication like that.
Verbal or non-verbal, talking on the phone or texting.
I've had the extended text messages that max out even a smartphones limit.
I've had the storybook facebook messages.
I've had the late night bedtime calls, where you wake up and wonder who fell asleep on who.
I've had the skype sessions and phone calls that were there just to keep ya company... just so the other person could see ur face
I've been there.

That's why I say [SOMETIMES] I hate text messaging. [SOMETIMES] I hate cyber communication
because people don't use it like they can and really milk it for it's resources.
A letter, hand written, personal, and longed for is full of emotion
It can be a blank slate crafted to share a part of your mind, your heart, your spirit.
It can be unexpected but desired
A letter can manipulate words to create sentences that make you smile and cry
A letter can bring you back to the days of courting and true love.
Words on  a page...don't underestimate.
Its a romantic confession from the sender that says your worth it
Worth my time, paper, pen and ink.
Worth a moment to formulate words you may not speak.
________________________________________________________

We as individuals have the capability to do what a letter says and more with cyber communications.
That text that you wake up to that makes you smile.
That storybook facebook message that made you cry
That surprise visit at your door....unexpected but desired
The words in that letter you never wrote are expressed through daily messaging
How you answer a text message explains how you chose to formulate your thoughts
It tattles how valuable you find the communication.
[Sometimes, not all the time I can hate text messaging]
Waiting for a response is a lot easier if you knew the context of the person but you can't know that if that information was not shared initially.

Lack of communication can be frustrating.
A desire to communicate has grand potential.
Empty apologizes and no change in communication is a near downfall.

#Love has made me weary

I am a Vegetable

I am an onion.

Sliced in half.

The more layers I shed

The smaller I become.

Don't mistake this for negativity

Cause as I'm sliced and diced

I multiply

I take up more space

And with my pieces

What's cooked is great.

I assisted a wedding tonight with Shannon my boss and they had a live band there from Atlanta called Crystal Clear Band. The sax player was playing on a 40yr old saxophone it looked so antique but man was this band great! Everyone was getting it, the drummer, the bass guitarist, the singers, pianist, and of course the saxophone... it is my favorite jazz instrument.

During one of the songs I actually teared up watching them play. I can't watch someone play the saxophone without thinking of you. Watching them passionately play and move on stage, reminded me of something that someone will one day hopefully appreciate the way i would. Right then and there a layer was pulled off of me like an onion. And with every layer off the aroma causes your eyes to fill with tears. Had to catch myself real quick. I was gonna text you but I was working and my phone was dead. Then when I got home I decided to just tell you Happy Easter instead...
I don't know that you need to know these things, I know it doesn't phase you. In terms of progress and getting over each other you are oh so far ahead. Its a total contradiction cause I know these things don't phase you but telling you makes me feel like I'm influencing your head.

Before the ceremony, Shannon hid the bride Whitney down a hall, turner the corner and had her hide behind the wall just exposing her hand. Then he had the groom come down the same hall and stopped him right before he would turn the corner. He photographed them hold hands for a moment. The moment their hands touched they smiled sincere, with excitement, in love. He didn't see her and she didn't see him yet their eyes glowed with the embrace of their finger tips as if they were facing each other. Seconds passed and the photo was taken and the moment ended. He left the hallway to wait for his bride at the alter.

I'm so blessed and grateful for my experiences and the love that was learned. But through patience and my determination to be content I constantly find myself at a lost for what to do with these feelings. Their mature, full, passionate, and real as can be. I've oppressed them but now where do they go. I asked God to remove the heart ache and pain and he's answered that prayer but at the same time he's left me with something else to sort out...

Good Morning...

Hey..
Ye...

I don't hate you
It's not easy for me
I speak as God calls me to.

Hey..
Ye...

I don't want to push
I'm a nice person
I'm can be too nice

Hey..
Ye..

I can't get in God's way.
I'm feeling like I can handle more of you
But I'm also feeling like that feeling is misleading
That feeling is trying to distract me from what God is doing in my life

Hey...
Ye...

God's gonna work in you
I can't get in the way of that.
I still care too much
I'm not in control


Hey...
Ye..

I still have hope tucked away and hanging on single string
The String is made of steel
I can't find the right scissors

Hey...
Ye...

God will provide cause I have faith in him
My heart pours out endless amounts of prayers through my conscious
LORD I love you and give you Praise

Hey..
Ye...

Turn on the lights

I'm gonna sit right here till you find me

So the other day I had a Facebook status that said: "I'm gonna sit right here till you find me."
This line summed up where my mind is at. I feel like I've reached a resting place in my life where I can be still and let God work. I'm in a place where I am ready and confident that I can be patient. I learned that last Sunday that people often mistake living for the Lord as an easy peaceful life with no problems. The reality is when you exalt God and live the life he wants you to lead, you become a moving TARGET for the devil. He wants you down and out and walking with God actually can bring more problems but that's where you get to stand up for your faith and really show the devil who is in charge. God is over my life and he blessed me with a very strong will. I put that in the name of the Lord and I am determined to block all the blows the devil tries to throw in my path. I am committed to my Lord and Savior, and even in my questioning and day by day experiences with people I meet I know that God knows and I'm going to be patient and listen to him. God has an amazing man crafted just for me and no matter how hard it is now it will get easier through prayer and persistence. I'm gonna sit right here till God is ready for love to find me, cause when I love...I love with all the power instilled in me.

When I know I know
I know my heart enough to say its infatuation
I know my heart enough to say its nothing
What separates me from you is that I know what I'm doing
God lent me the confidence because I seek his knowledge
I know when I made a mistake
And I know what not to repeat.

You left stains
On my skin
On my sheets
On my me
I let my guard down for you
In return I'm stained.

His blood washed me clean
Now I sit and wait and let love return to me
Return when its right
Return when its grown
Return when every circumstance is ready for the love I bring.

When I know I know
Cause I know me
There's something in between
But I won't question what I can't see

When its time for me to know, I'll know
When its time for me to react I'll be fast
But I know enough to know
That I'll never know
So I sit here and wait and let love return to me.

 

-Stephanie Brown

Faces

Today someone accused me of having an attitude the past few days and it just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm had a hell of a week and quite a month in general.
I am a very optimistic, happy, silly, fun happy organized and passionate person.
Honesty is my policy that's the game I rather play, not lies, not hidden motives and tension. If you hear something or if I come off a certain way open your mouth and question me! Cause more than likely you are reading my body language wrong and falsely interpreting my tone or diction.

This was my Facebook status like 5mins ago:

You NEVER know what kind of day someone is having or what major circumstance they are facing in their lives. THINK about that before you assume and come at them the wrong way.

 

I learned this simple philosophy in high school by my Colonel Rodriguez to be exact. He taught me that as a leader its important to relate to your people/platoon/squad or whatever it may be. Someone could have had a death in the family, lost their pet, got dumped, pulled an all nighter, perhaps they are anxious for health reasons it could be anything! And if you come off wrong and start complaining that their attitude sucks or they aren't present cause they seem in a daze... how about you give them a hug? relate to them? ask are you ok?

I'm not gonna lie I've been in a fog and it keeps getting denser but I know God is going to change the weather in my life very soon. I am swamped right now. My club, my business, my clients, and oh yea my finals in all 3 studio classes! I'm doing the most yet I'm in a fog and staying optimistic. Keeping a smile on my face to keep the positive energy flowing and crying at night to drain the negative vibes from my spirit. Spring break is two weeks away and boy is my spirit looking forward to taking a break from it all.

 

So please please please PAUSE before you speak to someone. Don't come off wrong cause there is always more to the story. They could be on the verge of tears and your inconsiderate comment or speculation can be their last straw.

The hardest thing...

The hardest thing just became harder.
A las God has put me in complete isolation
He's pushed and forced me to relinquish everything and anything
That either has or have had potential to be greater than Him.
My God is an awesome God
But he is also a jealous one.

Am I scared... of course
Crying... Duh
Confident.... Over time

I've been lifting all of my concerns and worries up to God but today... oh Lord today God made me pack up, lift and carry the one thing I had left. And honestly in all my pain and hurt I still love God and I know that he is testing me. Because if I trust Him and have Faith in Him then I should just know that my problems are taken care of. The healing process that remains is asking God to remove this pain from my heart. Confessing to Him that I've given Him my EVERYTHING! And thats where my problem became a problem. I allowed my greatest concern to be bigger than God, I allowed him to be my everything, my backbone, my picker upper. But that is a job for God. God is my EVERYTHING my backbone, my provider, no man but God can treat me and deliever me.

So therefore I am solitary floating in the hands of Jesus...

Lonely nights, rough days, sad news it's just me an Jesus. I sincerely told God I wanted to get closer to Him and he is simply answering my prayer. I didn't prepare myself for the serious TURN OVER in my life that occured but God gave me a strong heart and an optimistic spirit and when I tell you I am fighting the devil boy am I fighting the devil! I am fighting depression, I am fighting lonliness, I am fighting doubt because God did not put those things in me. I know it will take time but God with his love will be patient and kind and help  carry me to a place of happiness like never before.

God I truly truly truly GIVE MYSELF AWAY.
Watch me and protect me, be my Lord and Savior.
My happiness and understanding is next to you, this time I'm not going anywhere.

 

Exodus Chapter 20:

1 And God spoke all these words:2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.3 "You shall have no other gods before me.4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand [ generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments.  





I gotta fall in love with Jesus and if it is his will then one day I'll meet you again.

 

RIP

I was trying to deactivate a joint FB page I created years ago with Pear but I forgot the email address.
I went to it and wen to the about page and found something I wrote a while back:

Pearanie = ♥

"We're two made into one.
Best Friends
Sillies
Firsts' and lasts'
And Forevermores.
We're the soon to be,
The never Ending.
We're the unexpected but everywhere accepted.
We are...PEARANIE."

-Lil' Silly-Pee

Perry always told me "I'll never let you do anything you'll regret" -Silly Pee

And I don't regret a thing...

If anything I grew and learned and God brought me here. To a place where I must put God first. My mistake was making something in my life bigger than God himself. That was no-no but not anymore. My eyes are no longer blurred I just pray that his vision will clear up as well. Sooner than later for his sake.

Nevertheless, I'm gonna force myself to see the light that God always puts out for me ahead of my every footstep. Its time for me and God to build the relationship I've desired for soo long. I never knew this was the path he would take... but no one said loving God was filled of things you like. Its going to be tough and I might not like it sometimes but I have to have faith that HE knows best. He will bring me the desires of my heart. And whether thats Perry or not i don't know. But by getting closer to God the path he has for me will become clearer to me and one day he will reveal to me the man that reflects the love that God has for me. I'm going to trust and believe that and Love God for he loved me first.

R.I.P.   Pearanie - 04-24-10 > < 02-21-13

Leave it in God's hands and let Him do his divine work!

I post this because its something I am over coming that may be a blessing to someone else's life.

You are not in control of your life, if you want to get an understanding of what to do and where you are going in life you need to conversate with God and ask him to remove the distractions and noise so that His divine still voice can be heard loud and clearly in your heart. But I'll tell you what I learned later, when you sincerely make that prayer be prepared for what you are praying for it won't be easy, you may be shocked, you may cry, you may loose some people, but its all apart of God's divine plan. Like my spiritual mommy told me, a year from today I will look at this as a small thing of the past. 

All of this is easier said than done, but my heart is passionate about my Savior and I know only he can come in and heal my heart and provide me the understanding I must patiently seek.

GLORY BE TO GOD

Liars!

-__-

That's my initial face when I find out someone has lied to me.
I just don't understand WHY LIE?!

The truth is light and it will always come out!

James 3:8, "But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

People say oh I wanted to tell you in person, or oh you were having a good day i didn't wanna tell you bad news... -__-

Let me tell you I don't need anyone PLAYING GOD trying to determine what I can and can't handle. You are not my master, you are not my savior. Everything happens for a reason, Lies always go over better when you are upfront about them too. If you let months go by knowing that you did something awful yet try to continue a happy normal life YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF!
You know the truth.
God knows the truth.
And there is a good chance you have a witness in most cases that you may not even know about.

I'm not saying you should tell all your business so not to lie. But if you are uncomfortable telling someone something let them know! Don't give them a false story cause you don't want them to know the real one. That's how a small lie gets built up for days and years and so on...

I'm at an age and a point where I just feel so disgusted when someone lies to me. Depending on how much I trust and love them that disgust can grow to heart ache and distance separation. Sometimes you lie and don't even notice, But you need to come around and fix your lie. Make it known and apologize. Now if I barely know the person and I catch them in a lie...then shoot its an easy eye roll and good day sir or madame!

What does the BIBLE say about lies?

Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.

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At age 20 I can honestly say that this week is the toughest week I have had in a really long time. Within this week great things have happened but they've been shadowed by dark sad things at the same time. I have a feeling in my heart that has me tense and reaching out to God like never before.
Sometimes I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm lost but that's where the test comes in. Despite my sad reflections I have to remember what does Jesus say? What comfort and help can he provide me?

Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious about nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be known unto God and the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your heart and mind.” 

I was taught the steps of a Good Man are ordered. God doesn't want you to walk a life a failure and darkness. But in all your desires and aspirations I was taught you should bring it up to God and ask him if this is his will. Ask God to remove anything from your life that displeases him and to order your steps in the word of Christ, himself.

Psalms 37: 23-26 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. I have been young and am now old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful and lendeth and his seed is blessed.
Psalms 199: 105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says... International Standard Version (©2012) No temptation has overtaken you that is unusual for human beings. But God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength. Instead, along with the temptation he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to endure it. King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.) There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

I have all these keys and aides in the Bible yet I sometimes feel that I find them too late. But its never too late. When God makes his word known to me on the Internet, through a friend, or another means that IS my way out of a tough situation.

Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden with the burdens of life. When you come I will give you rest.”

Though my battles may seem long I know Christ is with me. I pray that this post blesses someone one day.

I'm coming LORD...

 

>>>More information how to walk with God http://www.borntofish.com/graceap/steps.htm

A Little Yellow Bird

 A little yellow bird
Sweet as can be
Sang me awake
Sang me to sleep
Sang me a lullaby
Made my spirits high
I knew this bird was God's gift to me.

A little yellow bird
Tough little thing
I wish I could teach it what it taught me
It never stopped singing in that tree
A new song everyday
Until the rain...

I woke up to silence
I stayed up in tears
Yearning that song in my ear
Little yellow bird
Where could you be?
Have you abandoned me?
Perhaps God took you from me?
Oh, how sad I would be.

Little yellow bird
I remember your song
I'll try to sing it
Until you come along
I'll guide you through the rain
the wind
the storm

My Little yellow bird
You're the only one.
Rare
Special in every way
I'll ask God for patience
I'll ask Him to take away the pain
Everyday
Until my little yellow bird comes and sings to me again.

-Stephanie Brown

1/30/13

I pledge...

I pledge....

Since my boyfriend pledged Iota Phi Theta he influenced a new genre of event photography for me. When you google Greek photography you'll see some pictures of Greek women, the countryside of Greece and other things that you didn't want to see. I photographed his probate because I'm a photographer and I wanted his special day to be recorded professionally. When he crossed he became a life member of that fraternity and watching him dedicate himself to this organization has been so benefactions to his growth and maturity.

Well shopping for paraphernalia in Savannah introduced me to Moncello Stewart who owns Sigma Graphics with his brother. Its the only physical shop in Savannah where you can buy jackets and other items covered in your fraternity or sorority letters. Shopping there brought up conversation and an exchange of cards. Long story short I've been shooting Greek event photography since and I'm really loving it.

 

January seems to hold many Founder's Days for the organizations under the NPHC. The Phi Beta Sigmas and the Zeta Phi Beta held their founders date program at Savannah State University last weekend. And on Sunday the lovely ladies of Delta Sigma Theta celebrated their centennial on Sunday. Their organization has graced this planet for 100 years of service. Photographing these events, especially these founders days are essentially the birthdays and anniversaries of these organizations.

 

When I shoot events I'm looking for the meat and potatoes of the event but these events are different, especially when you see all the chapters and years of Delta women or Sigma Men come together. To see these elderly men and women support their organization really hit home for me to see that these colors they dedicated their life to are colors they wear inside and out, it is seriously till death do they part. The beauty in the relationship between the individual and the ethics and mannerisms of the organization is something I seek to capture in every opportunity I get. Every founder they honor and recognize made it possible for them to chant what they chant and wear the letters they represent. How monumental is that!

Since my boyfriend pledged I get the question often as to what will I pledge...
One would think I can't because my school doesn't have greek life but if I wanted to bad enough I could pledge at another school in Savannah or later in life perhaps in a grad chapter. But even though my appreciation and fascination for Greek life has tremendously increased I've come to realized my place. I'm all about leading, making a change for the better, and sharing life stories for others to learn from but as a sister in a sorority I would be doing that as well as I could with my photography. Not to mention I'm not one to have so many female counterparts. Maybe being in a sorority could fill the void in my life since I grew up with very few good female friends but that's not a reason to join a sorority now is it?

If I must answer the question, I WOULD pledge with a sorority that I grew up to know as a supporter in education and especially uplifting young women in my community and that sorority is Delta Sigma Theta. I still have my honor certificated I got from them every year from middle school into high school and two mentors in my middle school years were Deltas as well. Now I know what the ornaments in their offices symbolized. BUT since I don't intend on pledging I intend to be myself... A photographer, a one-day wife, and a supportive youth like I always am. I put others before myself and I do lots of things out of the kindness of my heart cause God blessed me I want to bless others. And if I was to take part in anything associated with Greek life it would next to my man. My pictures are contributions to the NPHC and the organizations they unite. But my love and supportive nature falls under what some would call a sweetheart. And when I marry my Iota man that is a role I'll proudly take on, cause in that role I can simply be myself wholeheartedly.






See my GREEK Photography on my FB page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Saje-Creations-Photography/189060964466716

Nothing hurts worst

It hurts to see what you hide
It hurts to see all the potential I know you can bring
Your spirit lacks motivation
Your spirit lacks my God.

I wish I could give you my strength
My courage
My trust
My mentality
My dedication
My love
If I could package these things and send to you
What a difference the world would see.

You are not me
And I am not you
But what I have is trapped inside you.
I was once where you are but by the grace of God these gifts were released
I feel its my mission to bring these same gifts out of you
To better your life
To better your spirit
And enlighten your life.


If anything hurts me the most its seeing someone I love struggle with something I have once over come or learned to battle. Along with that hurt is the difficulty in teaching someone something that you feel. My faith and knowledge that God will and can take care of all my troubles and won't let me fail is felt in my spirit and encourages my daily life. But how do I take that and instill it in someone else? Especially in the ones I love. My over abundant optimism can be insulting to some and empty support to another. But I offer it to encourage what one could do themselves. I hear too many people say something is impossible and they can't do it, but the ability to complete a task is completely up to the individual. God won't give you anything you can't handle and fear is not something He put in you. YOU are your biggest obstacle in life. YOU determine if you can do something or not. Its up to YOU to say I will try, this is possible. You may not be able to complete something the way you envisioned or at this point in time. But your mentality should always be that you will try, problem solve, and let it be possible not impossible.

Frustration
Anger
Stress
Pressure
Fear

All these ugly things try to invade my life everyday and I'll be honest sometimes they win but never for long. I recognize these ugly words in my spirit and I cast them out with my strength, my faith, and my knowledge as what I can do through God. These ugly words are acts of a person I don't associate myself with. And crying out to God and my optimism squashes those ugly words and that person who comes with those words under the ground where they belong. My eyes are always looking up to heaven and toward a future I know God promised me in prosperity.

I just wish I could relate these ideas and emotions to the ones I love. Nothing hurts worst than someone you love battling something you can help but their spirit is resisting yours. Praying helps but the waiting hurts more. Only if they knew how hard I am praying for them and fighting for them day and night. I won't let the devil win.

RELIEF - PRINTMAKING

I just wanted to make a quick post about Printmaking because I really am loving it and when I make art work via printmaking I have some urge to make it ethnic and personal in some way.

For those who don't know printmaking is old old old before every one's time form of print and art. Everyone has done at least one print in their life time: Your foot print and hand print on your birth certificates. That was your first print!

 

My class this year started with Relief printmaking on linoleum or wood and I decided to be over ambitious and use wood cause I loved the texture of it and I thought it would be much more rewarding carving into a wood block. So I went to Lowes and got some wood and got at it! That easy! JUST KIDDING! not easy at all! I spent days planning what my image content would be and what it would mean slowly developed as I carved into a practice block. My practice block you can see here to the side. So the top right image is after I finished carving it. In relief you carve away the whites of your image. Then The image below that is after I rolled some ink on my block. The the bottom image is the press that my block and paper go through. And the larger image on the left is the final product on expensive behind paper!

The idea came from my relationship and a drawing my roommate from freshman year made me. Her name is Jessica Reed and I expressed to her how my boyfriend called me a giraffe and I called him a turtle due to obvious resemblances lol. She does awesome cutesy animation drawing and drew for me an animated turtle and giraffe in love! (Sorry blogger won't let me rotate it)

 So it started with two drawings  on a piece of paper. Scanned into the computer and put on top of one another. Then I used illustrator to put in the shapes on the shell. Then I printed it on 11x17 inch paper. Afterwards, I used a chemical I can't think of the name right now and the press and transferred my laser print onto the wood so it would be ready for me to carve.

In love with that piece I wanted to do something to that effect but in a more abstract way.So for my final wood block I designed the background to be giraffe skin and turtle to be in the foreground representing my boyfriend. The idea is that the turtle is the leader and head of the relationship, like how God dictates marriage to be. The giraffe skin is a gradient decreasing in size in the direction that the turtle is headed. That represents me the woman guiding the man (the turtle) in the right direction. Together they function and proceed with confidence knowing that they support each other with wisdom and love. People in my class commented that the piece looks tribal which is what I was going for. (I like tribal you'll see more of that in my copper piece as well.) I also refrained from making an outline around the turtle because I wanted the textures I carved to distinguish between the turtle and the giraffe skin but at the same time they act as one unit so I embraced the idea of them almost blending in together. The final product was printed on paper and you can see how it turned out below! And by the way P is for Perry :)