Little Yellow Bird II

I was reading an old blog post "Little Yellow Bird" and I felt the need to make a part two.

___________________________________________________________________________

Until my little yellow bird comes to sing to me again
I'm gonna sit tight.
Keep doing what I know to be morally right
Continue my baby steps toward independence
Just in case my little yellow bird stops in flight
Just in case my little yellow bird gives up it's song
Perhaps he'll sing a new one to a new found love
I'll prepare myself for the scenario
As long as my little yellow bird sings a happy song
I'll make myself be in good courage
In support of my little yellow bird that once was mine.

a smile like yours

I found this poem online from this site: http://www.kreyol.com/poetry.htm
It made me so sad, dropped a few tears and had to share it here.
_______________________________________________________________  a smile like yours

i never seen someone smile like you...
i fear i never will...

i never seen a smile like yours...
i remember the many roses i sent just to see it again, and again...

i never seen someone smile like you...

i remember how hard we laughed, enjoying each others company... to be the cause of someone's happiness meant so much to me...
your smile, how warm that felt, a cool summer's day, a smile even in rain, shines through overcast days... seemed would always last...

i never seen someone smile like you...

i fear i never will...
can't believe you're gone.
can't believe i cause you pain.
when i close my eyes, i still see you smiling, laughing, dancing, even in rain... now its gone.
i never seen someone smile like you...

i lost my way and did you wrong...
i never seen a smile like yours...

what have i done?
i broke your heart... i seen how your smile turned to lost, already torn, now you're gone.

i never seen someone smile like you...

i'm cold from the vision of your tears... it tears into me deeply... flowed from your eyes like an open wound through your heart, blood red as roses once sent...
dear God, something beautiful is dying!

been told flowers don't last forever, but i was wrong to think your smile was eternal...
i'm losing something sacred, left naked and cold.

i never seen someone smile like you...

i once convinced myself, that i would surely die for you... why, now you lay crying?
dear God, something beautiful is dying!

i broke her heart... and can't stop the wound from bleeding...

i never seen a smile like yours...

soft shades of red on your lips...
inviting to touch, like roses in bloom...

i never seen someone smile like you...

now the only red i see is your blood in my hands.
dear God, something beautiful is dying!

i hear her heart breaking, cracking under the stress, like walking on dry dying maple leaves in fall...

i never seen someone smile like you...

i miss your laughter...
i see the tears fall from your eyes. till lost in rain... i've cause that pain... i'm torn!
dear God, something beautiful is dying!
i did not think i had the power to break the wings of an angel... dearest God, please hear my plea!

i never seen a smile like yours...

i'm sorry its gone...
i did not think i made a difference...
i did not know how much your happiness meant to me, till i saw your sadness...
dear God, something beautiful is dying!

please let her smile again take mines instead!
i never seen someone smile like you...
i fear i never will...

i wish i could take it back...

if you could only love me like you use to do.
i wish i could see you laughing like you use to. but that was yesterday...
my loneliness, my only company, with no remedy... i will never take the chance to cause someone to smile as you... i'm torn...

i remember your tears and i fear seeing something so beautiful dying before me again...

roses don't last forever, sorry to say...
it was foolish to think your smiles would never come to an end like forever... i lied to my heart. i knew from the way you cried...

i never seen someone smile like you...
dearest God, something beautiful just died...
and my heart has lost its happiness, ~ her smile.

-Naz






By Hertz Nazaire [ naz ]

I am a Vegetable

I am an onion.

Sliced in half.

The more layers I shed

The smaller I become.

Don't mistake this for negativity

Cause as I'm sliced and diced

I multiply

I take up more space

And with my pieces

What's cooked is great.

I assisted a wedding tonight with Shannon my boss and they had a live band there from Atlanta called Crystal Clear Band. The sax player was playing on a 40yr old saxophone it looked so antique but man was this band great! Everyone was getting it, the drummer, the bass guitarist, the singers, pianist, and of course the saxophone... it is my favorite jazz instrument.

During one of the songs I actually teared up watching them play. I can't watch someone play the saxophone without thinking of you. Watching them passionately play and move on stage, reminded me of something that someone will one day hopefully appreciate the way i would. Right then and there a layer was pulled off of me like an onion. And with every layer off the aroma causes your eyes to fill with tears. Had to catch myself real quick. I was gonna text you but I was working and my phone was dead. Then when I got home I decided to just tell you Happy Easter instead...
I don't know that you need to know these things, I know it doesn't phase you. In terms of progress and getting over each other you are oh so far ahead. Its a total contradiction cause I know these things don't phase you but telling you makes me feel like I'm influencing your head.

Before the ceremony, Shannon hid the bride Whitney down a hall, turner the corner and had her hide behind the wall just exposing her hand. Then he had the groom come down the same hall and stopped him right before he would turn the corner. He photographed them hold hands for a moment. The moment their hands touched they smiled sincere, with excitement, in love. He didn't see her and she didn't see him yet their eyes glowed with the embrace of their finger tips as if they were facing each other. Seconds passed and the photo was taken and the moment ended. He left the hallway to wait for his bride at the alter.

I'm so blessed and grateful for my experiences and the love that was learned. But through patience and my determination to be content I constantly find myself at a lost for what to do with these feelings. Their mature, full, passionate, and real as can be. I've oppressed them but now where do they go. I asked God to remove the heart ache and pain and he's answered that prayer but at the same time he's left me with something else to sort out...

I'm gonna sit right here till you find me

So the other day I had a Facebook status that said: "I'm gonna sit right here till you find me."
This line summed up where my mind is at. I feel like I've reached a resting place in my life where I can be still and let God work. I'm in a place where I am ready and confident that I can be patient. I learned that last Sunday that people often mistake living for the Lord as an easy peaceful life with no problems. The reality is when you exalt God and live the life he wants you to lead, you become a moving TARGET for the devil. He wants you down and out and walking with God actually can bring more problems but that's where you get to stand up for your faith and really show the devil who is in charge. God is over my life and he blessed me with a very strong will. I put that in the name of the Lord and I am determined to block all the blows the devil tries to throw in my path. I am committed to my Lord and Savior, and even in my questioning and day by day experiences with people I meet I know that God knows and I'm going to be patient and listen to him. God has an amazing man crafted just for me and no matter how hard it is now it will get easier through prayer and persistence. I'm gonna sit right here till God is ready for love to find me, cause when I love...I love with all the power instilled in me.

When I know I know
I know my heart enough to say its infatuation
I know my heart enough to say its nothing
What separates me from you is that I know what I'm doing
God lent me the confidence because I seek his knowledge
I know when I made a mistake
And I know what not to repeat.

You left stains
On my skin
On my sheets
On my me
I let my guard down for you
In return I'm stained.

His blood washed me clean
Now I sit and wait and let love return to me
Return when its right
Return when its grown
Return when every circumstance is ready for the love I bring.

When I know I know
Cause I know me
There's something in between
But I won't question what I can't see

When its time for me to know, I'll know
When its time for me to react I'll be fast
But I know enough to know
That I'll never know
So I sit here and wait and let love return to me.

 

-Stephanie Brown

A Little Yellow Bird

 A little yellow bird
Sweet as can be
Sang me awake
Sang me to sleep
Sang me a lullaby
Made my spirits high
I knew this bird was God's gift to me.

A little yellow bird
Tough little thing
I wish I could teach it what it taught me
It never stopped singing in that tree
A new song everyday
Until the rain...

I woke up to silence
I stayed up in tears
Yearning that song in my ear
Little yellow bird
Where could you be?
Have you abandoned me?
Perhaps God took you from me?
Oh, how sad I would be.

Little yellow bird
I remember your song
I'll try to sing it
Until you come along
I'll guide you through the rain
the wind
the storm

My Little yellow bird
You're the only one.
Rare
Special in every way
I'll ask God for patience
I'll ask Him to take away the pain
Everyday
Until my little yellow bird comes and sings to me again.

-Stephanie Brown

1/30/13

There's None Like Him

God works in miraculous ways.

It hurts to look back on every time I allow myself to be down and sad
For hours I do the worst to my spirit
I allow myself to forget that I'm breathing
That I'm standing
That I'm intelligent
I allow myself to forget I serve a healer
A protector
A provider
An awesome God.
I linger in darkness and tears because I feel a lack of control
I feel that everything is going wrong and nothing is right
I feel divided and alone and at a lost
How foolish am I?
How immature was my mind?
My future is predestined by an awesome God.
I walk in the light of His grace
I lack control because it is His life to control
Everything is going wrong because I kept myself from seeing his light
And in the midst of it all He Never Ever left my side...

How incredible is that?