Little Yellow Bird II

I was reading an old blog post "Little Yellow Bird" and I felt the need to make a part two.

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Until my little yellow bird comes to sing to me again
I'm gonna sit tight.
Keep doing what I know to be morally right
Continue my baby steps toward independence
Just in case my little yellow bird stops in flight
Just in case my little yellow bird gives up it's song
Perhaps he'll sing a new one to a new found love
I'll prepare myself for the scenario
As long as my little yellow bird sings a happy song
I'll make myself be in good courage
In support of my little yellow bird that once was mine.

Hair Doesn't Lie

A few days ago I went and got my hair done by my hair stylist Zakiyah. I was in a bit of a rush because the next day (Sat) I had International Festival and I have a hair show to work and I wanted to look good with a fresh twist out.
After she washed my hair and began the twists she asked my if I am stressing? I responded kinda confused. I was like I was but I'm not stressing right now I'm good. And then as she continued she was like, "Stephanie you need to stop stressing seriously!" And I'm like what are you talking about!?! She then shared with me that my hair was thinning...

I didn't know what to say. My hair is so thick for it to begin thinning may be hard to tell but she sees me every 2-3 weeks so she really knows my head the best. That news was alarming to me... My hair is thinning. I know I been going through some stuff lately but I felt like I was good, I made progress and I was cool. But your hair does not lie to you. Let me repeat your HAIR DOES NOT LIE!

Your hair is an extension of you, your spirit emotionally and physically. Your hair is a reflection and growing extension of your being. You ever hear of women going through a bad divorce and their hair start breaking off, or people going through lots of stuff and getting bald spots. Sometimes people go through a rough patch in their lives and they start fresh with new clothes, new home, and often time new hair! Cutting your hair differently or rocking a new style is a great way to start fresh. Showcase a new you and with your new growth comes your new happiness. They hair you cut away and tossed in the trash is the same as cutting away that debt, or divorce, or death in the family.

I'm not concerned about loosing my hair or anything so don't freak out. But this defiantly made me re-evaluate how well I think I really am. I say I'm good but apparently my hair feels otherwise...
I've been in prayer about it and mentioned it to my spiritual mommy. She wants me to pray with her 3 times a week until I get stronger. I'm determined to be content. I'm determined to be happy. I'm so blessed and talented I don't want to waste my time feeling anything but positive. At the same time I can't fool myself and I have to get stronger in every aspect of my life. God made me such a solider man! Even my boss when I talked to him he was like "for everything that's been going on you seem good." He said he'd never guess. At first I felt accomplished, I felt like good job Stephanie you got that wall back up separating you from revealing how you are feeling. I put up walls in grade school, now I have Jesus to help guard my heart. I want to be strong without the need of a wall. I want to be strong whether I talk to you or not...

I've got a hard shell on the outside. My body is no longer transparent. I'm opaque.

As for my insides.. that's still wet concrete and I'm going to work on it getting dry.
All in all I'm going to be fine, Glory Be to God.

 

How are you doing?

 

I hate the way people ask that question.

"How are you doing?"

"You doing alright?"

"You okay?"

Even in a text message I hear the sad tone and the fear of my answer like they are ready to handle a lot in my response or something.

 

I'm not gonna lie its great to be asked, its great to know who is concerning themselves with my well being. But that question takes me back. I answer it differently every time almost. I feel like by saying GREAT I'm lying. My day can be great and awesome but Stephanie...

She's well, healthy, breathing, and blessed.

I'm not broken, I'm not falling apart.

I have to collect myself from time to time but otherwise all the pieces are in the same jar

Only a few of them are stuck in other places but I'm working on retrieving all of me.
I don't waste my smiles on nobody. I don't mean mug either. I'm pleasant and happy and my smile comes around when you give me something to smile about. Taking pictures of myself are starting to feel akward to me now, it's so strange but it is how it is.
 

Right now I am procrastinating. In 6 hours I have a quiz and a resume and research due.

School is exciting because everything I do is a career builder and I'm so deep into my major now its a little scary sometimes. I have to remind myself like YOOO You're a Junior!! Come June I will have exactly a year left at SCAD :( I don't want to leave Savannah though...

When and where I'll go I don't know but I have a heavy feeling of confidence that things are gonna change big time. I'm going to be out of that school routine and into the work world. Have my 9 to 5 and all my bills to pay. Sounds serious but God has a plan and He'll gladly show me the way.



 

I look in all directions for the next best thing. I'm gonna close this laptop and get busy. My success is dependent on me. I have been embracing radical praise and each day I feel older and each week I feel closer to God and knowing who He created me to be. The word CHANGE is very significant to me and I embrace it every time I get the opportunity...

 

I've been thinking about cutting off my hair...but I'll save that for another post, on another day cause I don't want anyone to think its April Fools Joke. lol I'm so serious though.

 

 

Love,

 

LIBERATION