Hey There Deliah

Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's is a classic tune in my Zune mp3 player. When the song first came out my over sensitive ass saw it as more than a cute alternative hit. I thought it was the most romantic message via song yet! I fantasied about some mysterious man singing this to me as I traveled the world and accomplished all my dreams. This song in combination with movies like The Notebook convinced me that a man could love me much more than the distance I wanted to travel. It taught me that if he really loves me he'd find a way to not only make it work, but he'd find me so valuable that waiting to be with me would be an honor, a royal honor.

A silly ole daydream is what this became. College taught me otherwise and kinda made me cold. But even after seeing so much ugly I could never shake my love for love and my hopeless romantic aspirations. God loves me so much, and that alone compels me to share his love by loving someone else. 

Hey There Delilah Mr. Fleming

I'll save the sap back story because there isn't one. Just know that my silly day dreams as a girl came to fruition as the woman I am today. I didn't find someone. And they didn't find me. But that man I dreamt of may have just appeared in my life. With no intention of doing so I fell in love with a man named Phillip Fleming. When I think about it... and shit when I write about it I shake my head in disbelief. How it happened in such a short time, and how genuine and true it feels does not surprise me because I get it.

When you go through the most and when you spend that necessary alone time to learn who you are as an individual people come and go through your life cause you have a solid grip of who you are and what you want in a partner. 

Having no time for games and lies I was cold and kinda brutal. I had been single for over a year and got so complacent I was ready to live the next 5-10 years alone if need be. Keeping it 110% I went on a few dates with Phillip when I had time and talked for about a month before I decided him worthy of being my boyfriend. I wouldn't even let the poor guy kiss me during that entire time! And he didn't mind. Just being in my presence was sufficient for him. I never met someone who genuinely loved my every flaw and me for who I am. He recognized my worth and treated me as such never stopping to impress me. He made me happy by just being himself. But I think it's his dedication and determination to be apart of my life that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. He effortlessly completes me and  I'm enjoying this blessing that God has presented to me.

Even though our relationship is still very young I just have a feeling of comfort and confidence in it. 

I'm not worried about whats happening next because I learned my lesson the last time trying to take control. I've left this relationship in God's hands and I trust it in His Mighty care :) 

                                         

In the wonderful words of India Arie,

  "If he ever left me, I wouldn't even be sad, 

no Cause there's a blessing in every lesson 

And I'm glad that I knew him at all"

Even though I was single for over a year, I encountered a lot of men who may have been potentials. All of them walked away slowly or ran knowing that (1) I was not about games and (2) I wanted to travel the world as soon as God was ready for me to. Phillip didn't walk away. He thought my aspirations were cool.
I kinda told him like a warning label before we even made us official. But when I told him my plans to be gone for long periods of times in some random location he simply said, "I'll find you where ever you are." Even though its not easy and pretty lonely he geared up and enlisted himself into a life of an internet relationship. I see his wonderful smile on a daily via Skype or Google Hangout or SnapChat. I hear him through my music, through my recipes he's inhaled, and I smell his sweater on the harder days.
Our relationship is an effortless blessing that supports my every move.



Till next time love...

Later.

Thank You God

So last night I went to bed late cause i took a nap during the day. When I went to bed I said my prayers and rolled on over. In my sleep I had a horrible dream!! There were 3 main characters other than myself and they are all dear friends to me.
Characters: JF (female)
                    KD (male)
                    PA (male)
                    Teacher (male)
                    Teacher's wife
We were in a corrupt town or around corrupt people. And it was influencing my friends but I didn't know until later. My teacher had a gallery building in town and at some point I was there. Then JF and I went out together. We were walking around shopping i think. Then when headed home to the teacher's gallery building we say a group of men running really fast like they did something bad. JF and I hop in the car and start rushing home and have difficulty handling the car for some reason. We see cop cars and police men and that confirmed that someone was being chased.
Nearing the teacher's photo gallery space JF and I see a man running with a bloody chainsaw! Terrified we rushed in another direction.
Then all of a sudden JF starts crying and she tells me that her and KD broke up! Meanwhile, I see that while I am talking to JF, I get like a flashback as to how KD and PA had been chillen a lot more recently and PA influenced KD for the worst and then they began influencing each other negatively in this corrupt town. They just smiled and life about it thinking you only live once right...
I comfort JF and tell her trust me I know how it feels, I understand what it feels like to loose someone that you thought was forever, to not only end a relationship but to loose a precious friend and confidant.
Just as JF dries her eyes we get to the gallery building door and its locked. The whole street is dark and eerie and the shutters are pulled down. Scared to run into the criminal on the streets we start banging on the door! The professor opens up the door and we rush in. When I get in he looks disturbed and his wife looks like she's been crying herself. I ask where is PA and he begins to reach out to me as if I need comfort when I just wanted an answer. I repeated, "Where is PA!?" The teacher withdraws his hand from my shoulder and checks to see that no tears are falling from his eyes. He begins by saying, "Stephanie I'm so sorry..."
At this point my heart is racing not just in my dream but I feel my chest tense up in my sleep!
I responded to the teacher saying, "No! no! what are you saying is he...what happened!!??"
The teacher continued and explained that he watched it all happen from the gallery building window. The criminal on the run with the chainsaw had an issue with PA and when he found PA he stuck the running chainsaw in the center of his chest and ran it down to his navel!!! I nearly fainted! I cried out louder then ever before and began bawling. My teacher told me the chainsaw man is still on the run and that an ambulance took PA to the emergency room. But from what he witness it was clear in his eyes that PA was dead.
JF in turn comforting me now hugged me and sobbed. PA was my previous boyfriend and used to be my best friend. I fell to my knees and put my arms up and bowed my head and began to pray aloud. I asked God to spare his life, to step in and show his miraculous power. It looked like PA has died but I knew that no one but my GOD could save his life bring him from the dead if he had to. I began to think about the lifestyle PA and KD were living and how God must of done this to shock his life, shock his spirit and show him who is almighty and powerful.
For whatever reason I couldn't go to the hospital but I reached PA over the phone. To hear his voice was a beautiful blessing from God. As we talked I sensed a bit of attitude from his cause of his situation nearly dying and all and how they had to patch him up I assume. Nevertheless the conversation was emotional and not productive. It saddened me to see a great man nearly DIE and by the grace of God come out of it alive and STILL ignore God's power and still live a dangerous lifestyle. At that point God woke me up. almost 2 hours before my alarm went off.

As scary of a dream it was I woke up content, I woke up with a purpose. My spirit was urging me to reach out to PA, JF and KD via text since it was so early in the morning. I don't reach out to PA and I was hesitant to this morning. Then I listened to my heart and it wouldn't be right for me to ignore what God is trying to have me do right now. No matter what I think I can or can't handle God knows all so I got out my phone and I texted him a super long prayer, I impressed myself but I let God use me to do his work. I prayed for him cause life is short and God forbid anything like my dream ever come to fruition I want PA to find thanks in the mercy of GOD. In order to jump higher you gotta bend your knees and get closer to the ground in order to repel yourself up into the sky.
I also texted JF who received her prayer well and then I texted KD.
I don't know whats going on in any of these people's lives. Idk their relationship with God. I don't know their struggles and pain. But I do know that God urged me to uplift their spirits and remind them that Life is short,  God designed us with purpose! We are individually crafted with predestined goals. And that even when you think everything is wrong everything is right with God. He loved you first so you should love him.

Today is my first day of school and I'm smiling.
I've been praying constantly for patience and help being content because I DESIRE to be content with where I am in my life. I don't want to worry or be frustrated I just want to be content because God loves me and I love him and I trust he has already worked it out for me. I'm not gonna fight fate, I'm not gonna let little things get me down cause God is greater than all of those things!

THE POWER OF CONTENTMENT !!!