Packing Up

If I didn't post this tonight idk if it would ever happen so I'm doing it now. Yes I'm in a funk. And I'm mad at what fell from my eyes. But my greater is gonna cradle me through the night. Might sound lonely but I rather have Jesus then something temporary by my side.

 

 

Negative thoughts and words just don't seem to manifest like before
I might wanna pop off
Curse you out
Do something reckless
But I can't even think about doing that stuff long enough to watch it manifest.

What did manifest was pain and hurt and disappointment
I use that word disappointment a lot but it's most appropriate
Cause time after time you fall under my expectations
You slip beneath your greater
You fall into something less than I believe to be true.
I'm honest with myself
I'm open to all the possibilities and paths God may take me
But even with that optimism I need to pack it up.

Keep me relevant you said
Just joking around you said
Still care a lot is what you said
My expectations were not heightened
They weren't foolish.
I expected things to take time
I expected a friendship
I expected respect and support
But clearly I need to pack that all up.

I'm a good person
I'll never let someone drag me beneath my greater
I'm a good person
I'm won't be taken advantage
of my time
my heart
my generosity
I keep it 100 not for you but for me.

Forget the tape
I'm gonna need concrete
Packing it up for me
Packing it up
I'm not for sale
I'm not for display
Packing it up for someone who is ready.

It's not funny.
It's not a game.
Real people and real feelings at stake.
Despite my desires and what I say
In the end God will have his way.
Packing it up, He leads the way.

Memoirs of ......

Tolerance

Building my tolerance in more than one way
Responsibly, never recklessly
I'm far too overwhelmed to type anything that will make lots of sense

I need to detox.
Everything needs renewal.
Other than a select few everyone else needs to just step back
Reintroduce yourself
I want to be ignorant of who you are so I can make proper choices
So I can not be effected by your choices
Cleanse me of ALL OF YOU
Each and every one of your species, gender, sex
I'm through.

Its better this way I'm sure.
The last time I did this I got you
Maybe this time God will bless me with me
Take these feelings and turn it into stone
I care too much for heartless souls

Just leave me be
I'll decompose and wake up in a better life
I'll sit here and let them come to me.
On display in a glass window
Pull back the curtains if you choose to pursue
Cause I've let go of the controls

Confused.
Overwhelmed.
Counting down for school to end.
Don't got time for feelings anymore.
Medusa I'm ready for you.

Bantu Knots with the Nappy Hutt

bantu plural of Ban·tu (Noun)

Noun A member of an extensive group of native peoples of central and southern Africa. The group of languages spoken by these peoples.     So I was going to research the history of bantu knots aka corkscrews aka Zulu knots aka Chinese bumps! But I found a great blog post on blogger that gives a great detailed history on Bantu Knots and the orgin of the bantu! You can read up on the history here: http://goodhealthdiva.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-hair-bantu-knots-little-history.html?showComment=1368705640730#c7462440294606126265   2 days ago I had my hair done from The Nappy Hutt, this time Jazmin was my stylist and I came in wanting bantu knots! Looking at my natural hair pictures most can see I like transitional styles. Styles that last me a while and goes in stages. For example, when I get bantu knots, I rock this style for about a week, then I unravel them and pin them in my cute/sexy curly androgynous look. Then over the next few days pulling on my little corkscrew spiral curls elongated them and they begin to fall which allows me to have  a curly fro or Mohawk, or anything else I decide to pin it into. From bantu knots lots and lots of hair styles are born!   FAQ when I have bantu knots:   How do you sleep in those? easy I moisturize my scalp, wrap my head and Lay down. When done properly bantu knots can be slept on with little to no irritation or change in sleep habits. Did you cut your hair?! no no no I did not cut my hair, that's the more of condensed curl patterns and natural hair in general. you can go from a long hair do to a short hair do in a matte of minutes. I embrace it and I love it! I get the best of both worlds minus the scissors. Enjoy the rest of the images. Bantu knots are an interesting style, most know it from the Matrix but   its bold and well respected especially by those who know about the beautiful noheat curl it will produce when unraveled.

I hate text messaging...

[Sometimes I can really hate text messaging.]
Texting is useful in sensitive situations, when you want or need to say something really quick
Its nonverbal communication yet we find ways to determine tonality in the voice and emotion through an individuals diction.
Other than texting in class or at work what other good has it done communication?
Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for text messaging, its so useful, and I do it everyday.
But I do it because most people just don't know what to do when they pick up a phone or they don't even have the time of day to do so. And God forbid they write a letter or actually communicate in person.

[Sometimes I can really hate text messaging]
I feel that texting should supplement your conversation.
Now a days when you meet someone, exchange numbers, the expectations is to text them.
The communication has begun, you can text the individual every once in a while to everyday. You can send them a message when they are on your mind and you wish to hear from them.
But at what point do you decide that texting is not enough?
I think you have to desire to communicate with that person in another way, you've got to want to hear what they think, believe, and do. And if time and distance is a problem then you FaceTime? Skype? if you can't call and talk.
People make time for who and what they WANT to make time for...

What will do that for you? Who knows...but I miss the sensitivty in communication.
As the person discovers a desire to communicate more methods open up because they'll simply take what they can get even if it's hearing you breathe as you sleep.
If you've been where I've been you know what I mean...Don't let people look at you like you're crazy or that sounds dumb because they haven't had communication like that.
Verbal or non-verbal, talking on the phone or texting.
I've had the extended text messages that max out even a smartphones limit.
I've had the storybook facebook messages.
I've had the late night bedtime calls, where you wake up and wonder who fell asleep on who.
I've had the skype sessions and phone calls that were there just to keep ya company... just so the other person could see ur face
I've been there.

That's why I say [SOMETIMES] I hate text messaging. [SOMETIMES] I hate cyber communication
because people don't use it like they can and really milk it for it's resources.
A letter, hand written, personal, and longed for is full of emotion
It can be a blank slate crafted to share a part of your mind, your heart, your spirit.
It can be unexpected but desired
A letter can manipulate words to create sentences that make you smile and cry
A letter can bring you back to the days of courting and true love.
Words on  a page...don't underestimate.
Its a romantic confession from the sender that says your worth it
Worth my time, paper, pen and ink.
Worth a moment to formulate words you may not speak.
________________________________________________________

We as individuals have the capability to do what a letter says and more with cyber communications.
That text that you wake up to that makes you smile.
That storybook facebook message that made you cry
That surprise visit at your door....unexpected but desired
The words in that letter you never wrote are expressed through daily messaging
How you answer a text message explains how you chose to formulate your thoughts
It tattles how valuable you find the communication.
[Sometimes, not all the time I can hate text messaging]
Waiting for a response is a lot easier if you knew the context of the person but you can't know that if that information was not shared initially.

Lack of communication can be frustrating.
A desire to communicate has grand potential.
Empty apologizes and no change in communication is a near downfall.

#Love has made me weary

SCAD Fashion Show: TAKE 2

 

So I haven't been updating you guys about the SCAD Fashion Show. So here is your update!! Photo to the left is from a fitting. I'm wearing a look but Natalya. Her collection is inspired by menswear.
This past weekend was the jury show. It was split in  2 days, Friday and Saturday.
 As a reminder, the jury show is like the Pre-Fashion Show. Senior designers that make it to the jury show get an judged to see who makes it into the FINAL fashion show on Saturday of next week the 18th. I'm really unsure whether or not I'll make it in the fashion show this year. Last year I was cut the day before the show even thought my designer made it in the show. I really hope I make it. I've made good impressions and I've had my contacts in every time. I've actually worn my contacts so much wearing my glasses feel a little strange sometimes.



Since I modeled last year I don't have rehearsal on Monday & Tuesday. I start rehearsal for the fashion show this Wednesday evening
with Ms. J Alexander from America's Next Top Model. During the jury show rehearsals, Ms. J said we all walked well and the little changes to be made are very minor. It's hard to judge our progress, idk if I'm doing really well or decent. Either way its a privilege to watch and work with Ms. J every time he walks I sense his character and personality down the runway and I want to show case my own character when I walk down the run way.
(Photo to the right is my look from Candice's collection, she wants to work with colors/dyes in the industry. her look it influenced by birds and color. that print in the center of my dress is her own design as well.)
If I make it into the show my family will be able to watch it stream online. But I won't make any promises or announcements until the day of the show! lol then I'll really know if I'm in or not!


Below are some photos from my last eye exam at Lenscrafters, Its been exactly a year since I went to Lenscrafters in Savannah last year and has to deal with learning to put in contacts lol just to get cut from the show. Now I'm a pro at getting them in my eyes even though sometimes those darn bubbles can be a booger in my eye! But anyway practice makes perfect.


After my eye exam I was scoping out frames cause I want new ones but my full discount is not available till Jan of next yr. I still took note though of my favorite frames. So this is ur sneak peak at what WILL be my new everyday look next year for 2014 :)

3rd Place Frames Below:

 2nd Place Frames: (Kinda a tie for 1st place)

 1st Place Frames!

I Love Who I Am

Today is Mother's Day.
I got to do quite a bit of of reminiscing with my friends at church and on my own when I got home.
I had such a lovely conversation with Kay Johnson, my kindred spirit, for hours in my room. Our conversation is always so intellectual, heart warming, realistic, and spiritual. I just love it.
I'm about to hit such a milestone in my life and I get emotional about it but in a good way.
I'm looking at pictures from High School and then looking at me now and I'm just like dang!
I am NOT the same person at all!
But I LOVE the person that I've become.


My confidence and self-esteem was never in the dumps but it wasn't really high at a younger age. And my strongest relationship did boost my confidence and influence lots of changes in my life and I give our relationship credit for what it did for me then. But that was then. If my confidence and self-esteem was dependent on that relationship, then when it ended I would fall and crumble but I didn't. I found my level of self-esteem that I made my own, and my relationship with God is the stimulator behind that confidence.
I think its alright to receive confidence from another person, but it's how you thrive alone is what speaks mountains about you who are and how you feel about yourself.

Last night, I went out downtown with my friends Malikah and Kye and had a great time walking around looking beautiful in our own individual ways. Every woman loves a good compliment, but she shouldn't live for that compliment and crave it. A woman deserves it, but a compliment should serve as reinforcement of something she already knows and if it's from someone handsome that is just a cherry on top lol.

PROVERBS CH. 31 (starting at verse 10)

Description of a Worthy Woman

10 An excellent wife, who can find ? For her worth is far above jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. 14 She is like merchant ships ; She brings her food from afar. 15 She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. 18 She senses that her gain is good ; Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. 25Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future . 26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 29"Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all." 30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.

 

The description of a worthy woman is so beautiful to me. Kay and I sat and read this today in my room and just remarked on the terminology and just awesomeness of this woman that is being described. A model of a proper wife, a blessed woman of God. "Her lamp does not go out at night" .... "Strength and dignity are her clothing" .... "She smiles at her future"
The NIV version of verse 25 says: "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

Listen, lol, I just can't with how pure this is. No one is perfect, you have your moments of concern, weakness, fear, sadness and what have you but all of that are acts of the devil trying to fool you into a state of mind that God did not want for you.

Prayer, Trust, and Faith in the promise that God put over my life is what comforts me and allows me to LAUGH at the days to come, SMILE at my future. I am only going up from where I am now. I am calmly in my place called wait and I am so excited for the plans God has for me. The best consistent complement that any of friends have shared with me is my strength. There is something about my strength and independence that makes them so sure I'll be alright despite any "downfall" that may come my way. And I put "downfall' in quotes cause it may look and sound bad to someone else but I know every missed opportunity just means God has something better for me in store.

So here is my reality.....

I am 20 Years young, just months away from 21.
I am an Artist.
I am well above my years.
I am graduating college in one more year.
I am independent.
I am single.
I am confident.
I am strong.
I am determined
I am my own person.
I am not in control
I will not fret over finances
I will not be envious
I will not boast my achievements
I will not be sad about my losses
I will not be concerned with negativity
I will not allow any person, place or thing keep me from my divine Promise over my life.
I will be Fearless
I will Pray
I will complete a 4 year undergraduate degree in only 3 years.
I will study abroad in Europe.
I will leave Savannah, GA to work in another city or county that God will guide me to
I will be happy
I will be successful
I will be a vessel to help others and their walk in Christ
I will laugh and smile at my days to come
Because I am God's creation
Because God is in control
Because Knowledge is power
Because I acknowledge HIM
Because I am unashamed
Because I want to serve
Because I have NO doubt
Because He won't lead me astray
Because of my Faith
Because of Mercy
Because All is Well
Because of I Love Him
Because He Loves Me More.
Because He is able
Because the Blood Still Works
Because I Love Who I Am.

SCAD Sand Arts Festival!

From start to finish! A photo essay of last Friday in Savannah, GA. (MAY 10th)  I attended the Sand Arts Festival for the first time this year out on Tybee Island Beach. I had an awesome time with my ACES below lol, my gals dem, my Caribbean beauties! I call them so many things but they are great companions.  We had breakfast then were off for fun in the sun!

Took pictures of some art on the beach, raced in the sand ( I came in 3rd behind 2 guys but 1st out of the females hehe) I rocked my new shades and new bikini thanks to Shelly Belly Shavel :*

Enjoy the photos!

 

I called for help

I called for help because I knew I couldn't do it alone.
I need prayer, so I called for help.

The devil tried to get me this evening.
The devil tried to overcome my spirit with sadness, depression, and lonliness.
But it will not be so because the blood of Christ still works and is covering me.

I tried to deal with the weight of the devil alone and I needed help.
I needed help so I called for help.
I called on my spiritual mother to enter battle with me
She refused to let the devil win
And she refused to let the devil use him as a vessel to get to me.

I'm going to bed early and alone and single.
And I'm unashamed.
God is blessing me and covering over my life.
I'm not going to let anyone or anything get in the way of the promise God has over my life.
It's not easy, no not at all
But I trust you God.
You'll never fail me.
A million others will fall short
But my God the places I know you will take me
I know are far greater.

Admist any pain I may experience I know you are in control...
Ignore my tears for they come from my flesh
Ignore my expression for it's only on the outside.
Hear my heart and I sing monologues of your truth and wisdom.
Father God I love you.
I thank you for never leaving my side
Comfort me father

Tonight
and Forever more

Memoirs of ANIE

a Believer  

Food Photo Essay: Jerk Chicken & Sweet Potato

I've been soooo sooo busy lately I haven't been cooking. I've been saving food from church on Sunday. I've been eating with my friends at the SCAD dining halls for free or skipping meals :/

But last week I took the time and had time to cook!

 

I jerked some chicken breast and made my yummy sweet potato fries so here are the photos from that night! Most ingredients are shown but some are excluded :P

 

I Accept the Challenge

Over the weekend my sister posted on her page a fitness challenge from the beautiful Gwen Ro!

I brought it to some of my friends and Shavel and I accepted the challenge. And I tihnk Malikah may have as well I'm not sure. But I know that I AM COMMITTED!

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. PSALMS 37:5

The challenge is 5 exercises, 5 days a week, for 5 weeks. Each week the number of daily reps changes. week one 20 reps, week 2 40 reps and week 3 60reps then 80reps and the last week will be 100reps!! I started on Tuesday with Shavel and we pumped out the work out in her dorm room and took my "Before" picture lol. I really like this fitness challenge because it requires no gym, weights or equipment and I'm very dedicated to getting my behind back into shape before I go to florida that way when I start up Pole Fitness again I don't waste half my summer getting caught up cause I'm out of shape I just want to hop back into Kangoo Jumps and Pole and get even stronger!


So the 5 exercises:
I stretch very lightly before and then blast some crazy rap or dancehall reggae music.
The 20 jumping jacks are a nice way to warm up my entire body. I take my time with each jump making sure my form is on point.
The 20 Burpees.......sigh..... These are tough. The hardest part of the challenge but the most important because it uses my body weight and moumentum and that makes my arms sad and sore. But it really is a whole body workout. I googled how to do them properly before I started the challenge. And I do the traditional push-up not that modified girl one. Its day 2 of my Week one and I still start struggling around the 6 out of 20 rep.... I'm optimistic that this will get easier over time but uhhh yeah idk about reaching 100 reps on the burpees lol.

The 20 squats after the burpees are a nice cooling point and relazation of my arms for a little while. I take my time with the squats and always try to maintain proper upright posture.
Then 20 push-ups after the squats reel in the arms again and engage them while they are still fairly hot from the burpees. I can push out 20 good push ups but after those other exercises I'm grunting and struggling  lol BUT I get it done!
Lastly are 20 situps. My abs are a prized posssesion of mine which are not to par with where I know they can be. So after 20 situps I do 40 more going in different directions then I do some ab workouts I learned from Pilates until I really start to burn n feel them contracting intensely.

I'm very excited about the results of this challenge I'm all about it now! I know once Week one is done I'll be even more involved in the entire process. Today I did something new and I stretched for even longer after the workout. I want to utilize the discipline in this challenge and start strecthing more to better my extension and flexibility.

________________________________________________
I learned that I am truly a relationship type of person. And I keep finding postive things to commit myself too. First it was God and now that I feel that area of my life is in the proper direction I am using this challenge as something other then school to commit myself too. I'm dedicated to getting stronger, more confident and getting my athletic build back to where I know it can be. Yes I'm thin I know but no matter your weight or body type everyone should strive to work out as much as they can FOR THEMSELVES not for anyone else.
I'm going to take a picture at the start of each week and then at the end of the 5 week challenge i'll post them all next to eachother. The key thing is that I'm not flexing in the pictures. I want to see the muscle defined and pronounced without me sucking in or flexing.

I got this!! :)