As my summer comes to a close I recently began thinking about the relationships I've had in the past with both males and females and what those relationships have done for me. Alot of them were one sided and left me in solitude. Many others brought me happiness and joy. I learned from them both. Growing up I was social in school but as we got older social activities happened outside of school and I was never allowed to do those things. I lost some friends but kept others. The ones that stuck around I would never forget and value their friendship. I told myself I'd never drop someone from my life because I know how it feels to be unacknowledged. And if God loves everyone I can too no matter how bad they hurt me.
John 15:12 This is My commandment, that
you love one another as I have loved you.
We are commanded in the Scriptures to show love to all believers, but we are not commanded to make all believers our friends.
In high school I was hurt and on a rare occasion I got so upset I shunned people out of my life. Re-evaluating myself I want to correct that and I feel that I have for the most part. Its one thing to forgive someone, but I think it means something more to forgive the person directly. Later in life they could be really hard on themselves for what they did or didn't do and me forgiving them could relieve them of a burden. On the other hand I could do the same thing and be rejected and have my apology not accepted. Either way I feel that my spirit is at ease because I did what I needed to do, the rest is up to God.
Prov.17: 17 says, “A friend loves at all times.”
My good friend D'Metrius and I always agreed when it came to morals and spiritual things. Something I learned from my friendship with him is that a TRUE friend will remain your friend no matter how many years go by with no communication. D and I went from talking every day to a random hello on facebook every once in a while. But today I called him and could do nothing but smile. Cause nothing had changed but time. Yeah there was a lot that we had missed but the heart of our friendship stayed the same.
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
I called him in particular today to discuss my ex-boyfriend from a while back. Originally I ended the relationship because he did something that disrespected my morals and beliefs, and as much as I cared for him at the time I knew I could no longer be with him. It was like the ultimate straw and sign from God. Since then we tried to be friends but it was interfering with me moving on, especially when I found someone else. I feel the best way to get over someone is to have a period of separation so the heart and mind can heal properly. I told him we could no longer talk to eachother for that reason...and that was back in 2010. Even after ending conversation I had to delete him from facebook cause even that was a distraction, I kept going back for the wrong reasons wanting to compare our lives hoping I was the one on top because he hurt me so bad. Eventually I banned myself from even searching his name on facebook, until now.
Two years later and here I am now. In a committed relationship of 2 years and 4months. And in that time I did fully get over him obviously and he became a name that I often forgot. But what can't be forgotten is the fact that before he was my boyfriend, and before he was my ex-boyfriend, he was my best friend. And for that sole reason I feel that I have to close a door that was only taped shut. We were together at a growing time, just kids, and I know that I can't return to that. I don't want to go back to that. I just want to say that I forgive him. I don't regret anything that happened, and I'm sorry things ended the way it did. The time apart was necessary for proper healing. But we're so much bigger than that now and I just want to make peace. I want to hear his name without feeling remorse or hurt. I want to satisfy my spirit and maybe relieve a burden I put on him. Of all the people I've made peace with, (there were only like 3), I felt this one was the must unraveled.
So what do I do? I can't call, can't visit, so i used some technology and requested him as a friend on facebook. Sounds silly but when he accepted it I had a sigh of relief.
Relieved and happy he is healthy and alive and doing something he loves and with someone! I have a motherly heart and in the end I just want everyone to be happy. I was expecting a message from him like ... "wtf?" lol but I didn't get that and that's okay. One day we'll talk and it'll be fine. Casual acquaintances, civil: everyone in your life deserves that at the very least.
I can't put it in words and its hard to explain, but my spirit is my supernatural connection to God. I have accepted the supernatural as God says I should and I listen to him and wait for him to guide me. This is something I new I would have to do sooner or later. My spirit at ease is a segway to many more blessings God has in store for me. Unfortunately its difficult for my loved ones to understand but I trust God always has the best in store for me.
I want to close with a recent facebook status I had because I feel that i worded it the best there:
I've met a lot of people in the short years I've been alive and everyone I meet and talk to more than likely have become valuable people in my memory. I think of each and everyone quite often no matter where I am. I can see something and instantly be reminded of the night we hung out, the phone call we had, or the laugh that was shared. Big or little every one of you have impacted in someway. And ...with my busy self and over protective parents (lol) I haven't always been able to there the way I wish I could. And thanks to FaceBook I can "friend" you as an acknowledgement of the time we once had. So...
To all the people in my life that I haven't spoken to or seen I wanna say HEY!!!! and Thanks for spending your time with me :)
♥ steph
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