I know your reading

I know you're reading this cause you know this is where i go to vent, you know if I'm feeling a certain way it'll end up right here on this page.
I'm on the road now and can't stop thinking about God and you.

I'm was getting ready to leave my parents house in Florida and i go in my room to find some poetry from middle school...
Instead what do i find first a little zales bag with an empty ring box (symbolic isn't it)  as well as notes and poems i wrote to you before we starting dating and the earlier months of our relationship...
Damn! Is all i can say! Like boy did God allow me and bless me with a time and place and person to learn to love and be love. I was blessed with the feeling of completion and driven purpose to be a vessel of God and experience quite a love...

I feel like i got a divorce. And now i have to deal with being patient and doing what's right in the eyes of God every day. Now in forced to consider that we are divorced because God has some one else specially designed for me...

How awful am i to still wish that person to be you? Am i a fool, foolishly hung up in a love that isn't even there. That's what gets me the most, that's what makes me a fool for you.. The fact that i love someone that doesn't love me. I warned you when you asked me to write you something deep. I warned you in every poetic love letter that left you warm inside. I love hard and my love is faithful and now alone I've translated that love to the attention of my Lord and Savior all is well at least it will be once i handle being patient better.

I'm a mess under control.
I'm full of waves crashing against a Levy.
I've wanted to text you, to call you, and see you
All i keep doing is thinking about where and what's going on with you
Then i have to arrest my mind and mentally lock you away just to relieve  the pressure from my chest and to stop the turning in my stomach.

Thinking about you jacks me up cause we had so much. Bash it all you want at the end of the day it was beautiful, genuine, wholesome honest love.

Don't worry any one else but you. I pray you find yourself. Once you Connect your heart, spirit, and body then identity and esteem will be balanced and present in your life.

God give me strength, take this heart ache off my chest. Draw me nearer Lord. Order my steps to live the life you want me to lead. Provide me the tools and the knowledge to be a vessel and an example. I need help God, i desire to be patient and obedient with the help of your strength. Hear my call God...
in your name i pray, Amen.

March 17th, 2013