Birthday Blessings

Your girlfriend is a blessing.
Yours and mines alike.
I'm happy to tears that you are with her cause she reflects your outer being.
I think she loves you already!
Which honestly could be worrisome,
But I choose to be optimistic that she is your best thing.

She's the best thing to happen for me because
You met me first and chose her
And that decided everything for me.
I'm not mad, actually grateful
Cause I was not ready for what you'd bring.
You got that strength on you
And that heart that made me wonder

You are a life lesson
One that I'm proud of,
My definite maybe that would never become love.

My experiences with you influenced me to believe I'd never have anything better than what I had for so many years. Tempted to go back to him, frustration kept me still.
Frozen for a while until we met in person,
You brought me anew, reminding me of what I could truly do

I can have anything I desire
Not Proud, just blessed.
I can marry and have a child
But it's not my time yet.

So when you tell me you miss me...
I smile,
Warm Cheeks
I've found strength in saying no
Cause the right thing is always Rewarding.

Special Thanks To my Wrecking Ball

And a special thanks to my wrecking ball!
I appreciate the conversation where we can
Connect
Reflect
Relate
and understand each other for who we are now and what we have
Done
Learned
Accomplished
And FAIL to realize.
Oh but where would we be without God's glorious grace.

A special thanks to my wrecking ball,
For reminding me why you aren't ready
Why you won't be ready
Why we aren't together
Why I don't trust you
and why I don't love you like I want to.

Like a stubborn baby that refuses to eat
I spoon feed myself your truths
I force feed my new attitude
I have to push out a laugh and a smile when you belittle my existence
'Cause I refuse to feel less than what I deserve
N' I refuse to be fooled by your lies
God can't be deceived and therefore neither can I!
So you can keep your study buddies and college chefs
Who smile in your face for nothing less than selfish service and ill-received perks.

I'm a trophy.
A gift from God.
While you fooling around God is polishing me and preparing me
For someone who knows how to take care of .01%

"Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you"

~Miley Cyrus

 

 

 

 

Anie is feeling COLD

 

 

21 Years

This past Saturday I turned 21 years old!

All of my older friends gave me the sigh of relief and overwhelming "FINALLY!"

Do I feel older?

No.

Do I feel taller?

No.

Do I feel different?

Yes. But not because I turned 21.



I feel different because with any big occasion I feel a page has been turned. I've grown a lot this year. 2013 has been fighting me since January 1st! But since my birthday I learned lots of things about myself.
I learned that I deal with my mistakes very responsibly and spiritually.
I learned that I am a light weight and that's okay.
I learned that I will always be a flirt, its in my nature and I do it well.
I learned new ways to say No.
I gained greater confidence in what I'm doing with my life.
I learned my trust in God has grown tremendously.
I learned that I really honestly NO Longer hold the ability to hate anyone.
I learned that I love my sex appeal
I learned how pleased I am with myself.
I learned what I'm ready for.

I love who I am and who I have grown up to be.
The last of five and we are all adults. Drinking eligible and educated adults.
I want to continue living myself for the Lord and embracing his blessings.
I want to continue to help others and show nothing but love.

I have the ability to love because I love God and He loves me.
But even with that ability I have my own precautions and fears that God is still working in me everyday. I'm a lover. I love to love. But I can't go looking for what God has for me. I gotta sit tight. Every bone in my body will communicate to me when I have found the one. Or better yet when the one has found me. I'm not selling myself short. I'm not settling for less than I deserve.
The idea and feeling of love is too exciting to deny its strength and its power.


Next year is my year!!
I keep telling yall, 2014 God has some super transformational things coming my way. Just watch God work!

Appreciate the Reminders

Thank you for reminding me
Of all the reasons why it won't work.
I appreciate the distance
I appreciate the neglect
I even appreciate the Instagram post with the cigarette between your lips.

Ha! And I love the piercings and the tattoos you have yet to get
I love your confusion, aggression, and everthing you don't give.
I appreciate the lies and their apologizes that follow.
I appreciate your eyes and your hands that wondered.

You confused the hell out of me!
But that's okay cause I wondered
So curious of who I was and what I was thinking
Told myself no so many times but your words always left me thinking
Hmm... tasted you once and then I left you thinking.
What was shared was spiritual this realm couldn't take it.

You never wanted anything more than to make others happy
And with every feeling you left me
I can proudly say I don't regret a thing.
That's how grown the situation was
And that's how grown you left me feeling
Two individual spirits that clashed yet united.

At the end of the day and every day to follow,
I thank God you met someone
Someone your heart may follow.
God gave me that reminder and I thank yall for that too
If its His will she will be the dealbreaker,
Your woman forever

You are the only person that could read this and know I'm genuine
Because you are the only person thus far that can decrypt the language of my spirit.
Hmph! You my nigga though!
I'll always feel we are friends
But as long as our spirits communicate the way they do the distance will remain.

I can accept that.
I respect that
Cause I want success for you.
I can be happy with an occasional hey
I am settled with the feeling in my chest when Daley sings "a definite maybe.."
I'll ask you how you are
And you will reply well.
You'll ask me how I am,
And I'll reply I'm well as well...
You smile
I'll smile
And we'll be distant again.


Much Love Leon
I pray your Leona finds you well.

Public Notice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm worth knowing, and my body is worth waiting for."

 

 

 

~Stephanie Brown

Songs that changed me

Half of 2013 is gone already!!

In less than a month I will celebrate my 21st birthday!

2013 Kicked my BUTT!!! Up and down you just have no idea! Lots of ups and downs but nevertheless progress.

I thought it would be nice to share with you songs that changed my life thus far in 2013.

Enjoy!

Kay Dene - Casualty of Love

Labrinth - Beneath your beautiful

The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home

Maxwell - Stop the World

Daley - Alone Together (song gives me chills every time)

Zedd ft. The Foxes - Clarity

 

 

I'm gonna stop here.

Later.

Blogging is not the same

This weekend officially puts a CLOSE to my Summer 2013.
I've had a bunch of "bloggable" things to write about and spill but I didn't post a thing.

Since my last blog post I have:

Battled friendships

Gone to Jamaica - Experienced the country as an adult and awed over romantic possibilities.

Reconnected with the Solar System - The moon is my means of communication with someone unknown or known.

Met an old friend - Proof is what I like to call him.

Found a new Model

Left Florida and returned to Savannah

Passed my treacherous summer courses with straights A's

Made $1000

Made a plan - I financially live my life monthly and on a STRICT budget

Become a health-nut: I drink my vegetables and fruit and they taste amazing!

Applied to about 10 different job positions

Flirted

Found another new model

Tempted to just show up and stop someone in their tracks - I decided not to.

Turned Up

Flirted some more - I do it without even knowing

Made a mistake TWICE

Seriously compared myself to the life of artist Diego Riveria

Had a photo shoot with my fashionable buddy Touss

Hated on - It sucks to speak to people who you think knew you but by their diction you learn they really don't.

Re-evaluated what I want for myself

Learned from Said Mistakes - Prayer

Lied to myself

Let it all Go

Finished Season 2 of Scandal on Netflix

Planned my 21st birthday party

Had a job interview

Accepted my state, where I am, and how I am not going to do anything about it.

Made a to-do list

Shut down everything temporary and irrelevant

Typed this blog post - which brings us to NOW

Blogging is not the same because certain people rather read than talk to me. Reading seems to inspire a phone call or text message. Certain people read for the wrong reasons. It is my BELIEF not fact, but my belief that certain people read my blog posts to check up on me, read into any possible love life and friendships. It is my belief that certain people find SatisFACTION in my loneliness and failed associations... But I'm probably wrong about that.

So I'm switching things up.
Cause I do enjoy blogging it will be less because I plan on doing nothing and I mean nothing other than school, making money, and career stuff. I only have fun if its free, I can't pick up a shift, and or all my monthly expenses are covered. End of story.
I am on a strict budget, monitoring my expenses and income.
Praying on my finances asking God to relieve the stress from me because I know He'll make a way out of no way. I am nothing and HE is everything. I know nothing, all that I know and do is because of Him.

Weeks ago my sister who is a DJ emailed me Janelle Monae's album Electric Lady. I had been meaning to hear it but forgot. I saw so many facebook status's today about how awesome her album was I stopped for a moment to download it an played it while I worked at home. One song in particular blessed my spirit. The song is below for you all to enjoy.

 

"To win you'll have to lose all the things you know
Trying to light the fire deep inside
Father take all the fears and sorrow from my life
Cause when the rain falls
My seed will grow"
~Janelle Monae 

How it relates to me is in every lyric and prayer. Cause Lord knows its raining on my life in my world. But that's okay cause my fine ass will produce a beautiful garden.

 

 

 

 

 

Till Next Time...