In my feelings, SMH

Eyes
Smile
Touch
Swagg
Are all weaknesses of mine

Resistance necessary
Not easy
Rejection deserved

But when I see you...
Hear your name
Feel your fingertips brush my hand
I shiver
Close my eyes
I want to submit to your grip
Smile after every kiss
Hold you till the new light touches the sky
I want you
I wanted you
I still do,
But not like this.

I'm terrified!
Fearful!
Cold inside.
When I think of a relationship with you I think of things that go bump in the night
You have stories and secrets
You've changed inside.
We embrace I feel great!
But fear resides.

"He gets it now God! He loves me, He always loved me! I knew I was right. I knew there was no other kiss like that, he said it himself. God he's sorry! Everything I predicted happened just as you told me God. It took him to see me but he's here now God, wants me God! You prepared me for this moment and now that it's here, Is he the one God....? What does this hesitation I feel mean God?"

I knew a man I fell in love with.
And yesterday I met someone old yet so new.
Baby steps must be made just to get to know you.
I made progress in my heart and in my spirit.
I made promises to God.
Spent months alone trying to fix my heart.
This is no overnight fix.
I am unsure about it ALL
Who you are, where your heart is, and if I'm worth it to you at all.

I am NOT the person I was before.
I KNOW I am capable of loving someone so sweet and so genuinely
I am that .01%
I WILL hold you down

BUT

I will NOT leave myself exposed as an open target to get stabbed in the heart.
God healed my wounds.
God lifted the burden off my spirit.
And I rebuke any attempt of pain, heartache, and sadness in my life.
Stephanie has to take care of Stephanie
I deserve one person and one person deserves me
And whoever that person is will be strengthen n guided by God to my heart no matter the costs.

Memoirs of a healed spirit in CONFLICT