Spiritual Journey: Phase Bridging gaps

Since coming to SCAD I have been on a spiritual exploration in search of the right church that would help guide me coming to the Lord. Since joining Living Hope, I've learned alot and cant wait to learn more...

As my summer comes to a close I recently began thinking about the relationships I've had in the past with both males and females and what those relationships have done for me. Alot of them were one sided and left me in solitude. Many others brought me happiness and joy. I learned from them both. Growing up I was social in school but as we got older social activities happened outside of school and I was never allowed to do those things. I lost some friends but kept others. The ones that stuck around I would never forget and value their friendship. I told myself I'd never drop someone from my life because I know how it feels to be unacknowledged. And if God loves everyone I can too no matter how bad they hurt me.

John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

We are commanded in the Scriptures to show love to all believers, but we are not commanded to make all believers our friends.

In high school I was hurt and on a rare occasion I got so upset I shunned people out of my life. Re-evaluating myself I want to correct that and I feel that I have for the most part. Its one thing to forgive someone, but I think it means something more to forgive the person directly. Later in life they could be really hard on themselves for what they did or didn't do and me forgiving them could relieve them of a burden. On the other hand I could do the same thing and be rejected and have my apology not accepted. Either way I feel that my spirit is at ease because I did what I needed to do, the rest is up to God.

Prov.17: 17 says, “A friend loves at all times.”

My good friend D'Metrius and I always agreed when it came to morals and spiritual things. Something I learned from my friendship with him is that a TRUE friend will remain your friend no matter how many years go by with no communication. D and I went from talking every day to a random hello on facebook every once in a while. But today I called him and could do nothing but smile. Cause nothing had changed but time. Yeah there was a lot that we had missed but the heart of our friendship stayed the same.

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

 I called him in particular today to discuss my ex-boyfriend from a while back. Originally I ended the relationship because he did something that disrespected my morals and beliefs, and as much as I cared for him at the time I knew I could no longer be with him. It was like the ultimate straw and sign from God. Since then we tried to be friends but it was interfering with me moving on, especially when I found someone else. I feel the best way to get over someone is to have a period of separation so the heart and mind can heal properly. I told him we could no longer talk to eachother for that reason...and that was back in 2010. Even after ending conversation I had to delete him from facebook cause even that was a distraction, I kept going back for the wrong reasons wanting to compare our lives hoping I was the one on top because he hurt me so bad. Eventually I banned myself from even searching his name on facebook, until now.

Two years later and here I am now. In a committed relationship of 2 years and 4months. And in that time I did fully get over him obviously and he became a name that I often forgot. But what can't be forgotten is the fact that before he was my boyfriend, and before he was my ex-boyfriend, he was my best friend. And for that  sole reason I feel that I have to close a door that was only taped shut. We were together at a growing time, just kids, and I know that I can't return to that. I don't want to go back to that. I just want to say that I forgive him. I don't regret anything that happened, and I'm sorry things ended the way it did. The time apart was necessary for proper healing. But we're so much bigger than that now and I just want to make peace. I want to hear his name without feeling remorse or hurt. I want to satisfy my spirit and maybe relieve a burden I put on him. Of all the people I've made peace with, (there were only like 3), I felt this one was the must unraveled.

 So what do I do? I can't call, can't visit, so i used some technology and requested him as a friend on facebook. Sounds silly but when he accepted it I had a sigh of relief.
Relieved and happy he is healthy and alive and doing something he loves and with someone! I have a motherly heart and in the end I just want everyone to be happy. I was expecting a message from him like ... "wtf?" lol but I didn't get that and that's okay. One day we'll talk and it'll be fine. Casual acquaintances, civil: everyone in your life deserves that at the very least.

I can't put it in words and its hard to explain, but my spirit is my supernatural connection to God. I have accepted the supernatural as God says I should and I listen to him and wait for him to guide me. This is something I new I would have to do sooner or later. My spirit at ease is a segway to many more blessings God has in store for me. Unfortunately its difficult for my loved ones to understand but I trust God always has the best in store for me.


I want to close with a recent facebook status I had because I feel that i worded it the best there:

I've met a lot of people in the short years I've been alive and everyone I meet and talk to more than likely have become valuable people in my memory. I think of each and everyone quite often no matter where I am. I can see something and instantly be reminded of the night we hung out, the phone call we had, or the laugh that was shared. Big or little every one of you have impacted in someway. And ...with my busy self and over protective parents (lol) I haven't always been able to there the way I wish I could. And thanks to FaceBook I can "friend" you as an acknowledgement of the time we once had. So...
To all the people in my life that I haven't spoken to or seen I wanna say HEY!!!! and Thanks for spending your time with me :)

♥ steph

1Corinthians 13:4-7 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all thing, endures all things.

My camera went to the Hospital :(

After the last shoot I did, about 2 weeks ago now, my memory card got stuck in the chamber and I couldn't get it back out. My friend Andrea used her tiny fingers to gently slide it out. After that moment I was concerned...

I went home and tried it but the card wouldn't click into place. I push it in and it would slightly bounce but still nothing. After the initial push it normally clicks and then you know its in place. I took it to the Delray Camera shop and the guy looked into the chamber with a light and then took my memory card and pushed it in easily with no problem! I was confused. What did he do differently? I then opened it up to take it out and couldn't get it out, but he pushed on it once and it popped back out. He explained that his fingers were big and clunky and that i needed to put more force behind my pushes...I agreed and did what he said and I was able to put it back in and out. But I was not fully convinced because I didn't remember it ever being that hard to insert my card and take it out. Now I had to use 2 fingers sometimes and make sure I was engaging both springs. But I fingered it was due to old age (my D5000 is 2yrs+ now) and I let it go.

Next shoot scheduled was a maternity shoot I was doing for a friend Pro-bono and morning of the shoot I clear my cards and when I insert them my camera wasn't reading it. Hoping it was the card I tried 3 other cards and they all had the same result but one. Confused and upset I kept the one that worked as to not worsen the situation but that shoot ended up being rescheduled! I took it as a sign but now  as I continued to test out all my cards now none of them worked, then one may work for a moment and the next moment it wouldn't would. I even tried the cards in another camera and they worked just fine so it wasn't the cards it was definitely my camera.

Distraught I finally went to SP-TS camera repair out of Miami and left them my baby girl for a free testing evaluation. I called Monday and learned that she needed some serious surgery...
-Card mechanism needs to be repaired
-Autofocus needs to be repaired
-i think they are gonna change the whole card part..
-and regular cleaning plus 6mo warranty

A whopping $240! and She would be away for 2-3 weeeks!

Forget the money! My baby would be gone for soo long and I am going to Chicago in a week.
I've been an emotional wreck since, I'm getting teary just typing about it now.
My camera has been through a lot with me and she has taught me and helped me get where I am now. Being without her hurts soo much. Together we make money, we capture dreams, life, and put smiles on peoples faces. I miss her so much and now she's in some camera hospital bed in New Jersey, alone... I miss my camera so much, as pathetic as it sounds she means the world to me and my heart won't be the same until she returns.

With my camera being away 3 shoots I had planned have been put on hold, thank God they were not serious paying customers but it did put my business into check. I always new I needed a backup camera but I never actually got one, plus at SCAD I could always rent one. But I need my own equipment.

Camera shopping has been tough because my mom is on me about getting something brand new and with her even helping with that. But that is just a no mommy land! She doesn't fully understand my passion and she is the last person I'd want to owe for a camera. Every camera I buy and every lens I buy is from my earnings doing what I love. I just can't have her or anyone else really disturb that selfsatisfaction I get when it has to do with what I love.
My back up camera should be identical if not a little older than my primary camera. My camera has been discontinued and replaced by the D5100 but after all I learned i decided i was not going to get a brand new camera until i could afford a full frame camera from Nikon's professional grade cameras.
Anyway, in my shopping for used/refurbished items I just wanted a camera body with warranty and the difference between a refurbished D5000 and D5100 was about $75.
Researching the difference I learned the following:

Summary:

1.The D5100 has an increased sensor resolution over the D5000
2.The D5100 has a wider ISO range than the D5000
3.The D5100 can shoot at 1080p while the D5000 can only shoot at 720p
4.The D5100 is smaller and lighter than the D5000
5.The D5000 is hinged at the bottom while the D5100 is hinged on the side
6.The D5100 has a slightly larger LCD screen than the D5000

Read more: Difference Between Nikon D5000 and Nikon D5100 | Difference Between | Nikon D5000 vs Nikon D5100 http://www.differencebetween.net/object/difference-between-nikon-d5000-and-nikon-d5100/#ixzz22zChUgiD

Therefore about an hour ago I ordered a D5100. after reading the differences the $75 difference was worth the sensor and extra megapixels.
The only sad feeling is that it would make my camera the back up but I guess not all the time. I just have to figure out how I want to go about this. I'd probably use each camera primarily for different purposes. I'm just happy to finally have a backup and I'm happy I won't have to go to Chicago next week without a camera.
My brother was like, "I didn't know you were taking pictures in Chicago" ........ SERIOUSLY BRO! I'm a photographer! A future Documentary photographer everywhere is a new opportunity to shoot the next best image, catch the greatest moments, and experiment.

I'm not as happy as I should for getting this D5100 but I hope this new camera doesn't take it personally lol. But my D5000 will always be my baby, she's my first, my companion, she's me.

Pray for my camera and for me!
<3


Everything happens for a reason and only time will reveal the truth.